by Kevin Shorter
June 10, 2010
image courtesy of FamilyLife
In the garden God said it was not good for man to be alone. Man had perfect communion with God, but God said He was alone. Then He creates woman as a help-mate for him. The answer to man’s loneliness was not more of God; it was woman. Isn’t that strange?
Unfortunately, it did not take long for the oneness between man and woman was jeopardized. The forbidden fruit was eaten, and shame and blame enter the garden. Separation occurs between God and man, but it also occurs between man and women. “This woman, she…”
So many of us thought that marriage would be the answer to the pain in our lives. We saw our spouse as the miracle drug to end all of our loneliness. Unfortunately, marriage is often the source of greater loneliness.
The point is God created marriage for oneness, but sin distorts God's plan. Sin and shame keep us from moving out of our shell we have created to protect us of exposure and pain. As we remain isolated from our spouse, additional pain and shame are added to it. Then we pull even more away into our protective shell. We are on a deadly spiral, and we need something or someone to stop the bleeding.
God in His masterful plan usually puts two people together that are perfectly matched to heal all of the pain. The thing is that in order to enter into that healing there needs to be tiny deaths to self along the way. Are you going to choose to deny yourself to allow healing to flow? When your spouse shares their struggles with impure thoughts, are you going to offer grace or shame? When your spouse tells you about their eating disorder, do you offer love or condemnation? When your spouse confides with you their fears, do you offer words of life or dismiss them as unrealistic?
The right choices above are usually not easy because it is those areas of hurt in your spouse that fed the areas of hurt in your life. You have to choose life for your spouse because even though attacking them feels like protecting you, it will hinder any chance of either of you to find freedom. Take your fears to Jesus. Allow Him to protect you. Then offer life to your spouse.
Jesus is better at protecting you than you are anyhow. Therefore you are able to move toward oneness.
