image used courtesy of Project M: Marriage Blog

Recently God is putting a lot of people in my path that are struggling in their marriages. There is a consistent encouragement that God has been allowing me to share that I think appropriate here.

Many people with marriage issues face an emotional rollar coaster. Good days and bad days. The good days are encouraging, but they are also emotionally draining because you just do not know what you are going to get. Some days your spouse thinks you are the source of everything wrong; other days they are offering hope to something better.

What is going on? Is your spouse bi-polar? How come you do not know what you are going to get?

On those good days, your spouse is living out of their true self. All God’s works are wonderful therefore when our lives reflect the fruit of the Spirit, we are living out of who God created us to be (Psalm 139:14 and Galatians 5:22). Even if your spouse is not a Christian, deep down God has created in them the desire to have a good and healthy marriage with you.

Since this is God’s will for your spouse, the enemy will try to steal, kill, and destroy it (John 10:10). He is feeding lies into your spouse about you, them, and your marriage. Therefore the ups and downs in your marriage are your spouse’s choice over which voice they will listen to.

Now before you think this is only a matter of spiritual warfare, your spouse does have responsibility in the matter. And, choices they have made in the past allow the enemy greater influence.

Let’s say your spouse had a father that constantly berated them saying they would never amount to anything. Therefore they grew up with many lies about God and themselves. One would be that God would never come through for them. What happens when there are difficulties in the marriage? The enemy feeds into those lies saying it is not going to work out. God is not going to protect you. You might as well give up. Your spouse is out to get you. They don’t believe you will amount to anything anyway. You don’t need that kind of pressure.

Because of the events of the past and the lies they already believe, the enemy’s lies are now amplified to a degree that they cannot hear the voice of God.

What are you to do? Choose not to respond in like form. When they speak these lies to you, do not get angry. Do not defend. Respond in love. Always proclaim your commitment toward the marriage. In prayer take authority over the enemy reducing his ability to speak to your spouse and to you. As you deny the enemy’s ability to speak, then the voice of God will be able to penetrate easier to your spouse.

This is not a magic pill. Your spouse still has the choice of whose voice to listen to. But you will be preparing the ground for a better harvest. You can plant the seed, till the ground, and water the plant, but only God causes it to grow. It is the pleasure of God to change lives. And, even if your spouse decides not to change, God blesses those who choose to give life to others. Rest in His ability to protect and provide for you.

• Additional Resource: 10 Things to Pray for Your Wife

I have heard said that the biggest problem in the church today is that it does know how to differentiate the voice of God and the voice of Satan. I would like to argue that this statement is correct.

We know that Satan is our accuser. He is looking to steal from you, kill your desire, and destroy your life. He hates you. How can the church possible mistake that terrible voice with the loving Father?

Easy, we think they are our voice. Have you ever had thoughts of shame, depression, and unworthiness? Where do they originate? Do you really hate yourself? Does God hate you? No, Satan is the one who hates you. He is the one who wants to see you fail and wants to keep you from walking into all that God has for you.

How do we differentiate between the voice of the enemy and the voice of God? The more we know the character of God; the more we will know His voice. God loves us. God is for us. God believes in us. God will lead us to hope and life. (If you doubt any of this read Romans 8 multiple times.)

This is so important because you will live out of the voice you are listening to. If you believe the lies Satan throws at you that you are worthless, a failure, and that those you love would be better off without you, than you will not live out of the unique calling God placed into your life. Instead you will try to be whoever you can that would cause you the least amount of pain. If you believe that if people knew the real you they would reject you, then you will always live your life behind a mask so nobody would ever know the real you.

So how do you know which voice you are listening to? Look at the fruit. If the thoughts are leading you into life, peace and freedom, it is from the Holy Spirit. If it leads to depression, pain, fear, and immobility, then it is from the enemy.

Even conviction can come in either form. True conviction comes not at the sound of God’s displeasure in us, but at the moment He turns the light on brightly enough for us to see our imperfections. His light does not expose us in anger but in love wanting us to correct the errors keeping us from more of Him. He exposes unhealed issues in our hearts, so we can bring them to Him for healing. Without the conviction of the Holy Spirit, we do not change and grow. Satan is the one that points out sin to shame us and create fear that will lead us away from God and others.

It is important to discern the voice of who is speaking to us. The voice of God, even when exposing sin, offers hope and life. The voice of the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Whenever you recognize the voice of God in your life, embrace it freely. If it is from the enemy, reject it boldly (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Today I received a devotional from Rod Parsley about Jesus praying for us.  I encourage you to read it because he does a great job linking Romans 8:34 to Luke 22:31-32.  Who is it that condemns you? Not God! "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!" (Romans 8:1).  Who is it that condemns us? Satan, and anyone else he can tempt to try to condemn us, including ourselves. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy and Jesus comes that we may have life (John 10:10). And, yes, not only does Jesus not condemn us he is continually interceding for us to remind everyone why we are not condemned. He wants you to know that you are His. All condemnation had been placed on Him and He conquered it when He raised from the dead.

We have a choice of which voice we will follow. Will it be the voice of condemnation or the voice of life? Our prayers are an agreement with what the Son of God has already said is true about us, others, and the world around us. Listen to what His Spirit is saying to you and pray along with Him as partners in His work.